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Baghdadee بغدادي
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baghda

About Iraqis حول العراقيين

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This time about Americans...

 

Subject: Only in America ....

For those who need a smile!

 

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick people walk all the

 

way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy

 

people can buy cigarettes at the front.

 

 

 

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large

 

fries, and a diet coke.

 

 

 

Only in America.....do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens

 

to the counters

 

 

 

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in

 

the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

 

 

 

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in

 

packages of eight.

 

 

 

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the

 

process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning

 

'bloodsucking creatures'.

 

 

 

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille

 

lettering.

 

 

 

EVER WONDER ...

 

 

 

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

 

 

 

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 

 

 

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

 

 

 

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

 

 

 

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

 

 

 

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made

 

with real lemons?

 

 

 

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

 

 

 

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

 

 

 

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

 

 

 

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

 

 

 

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

 

 

 

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't

 

they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

 

 

 

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

 

 

 

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

 

 

 

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

 

 

 

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

 

 

 

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the

 

stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to

 

(maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to

 

 

 

smile every once in a while

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Guest ali

aalubaidi@yahoo.com

مذيح سأل سعدي الحلي قله وين اتحب اتقضى وقت الفراغ مالك

فقال سعدي الحلي...احب اقضيها بسوف الخضره عد اللى ايبيعون خس

فسأل المذيع ليش

قال سعدي... حتى اقلهم ابيش الراس

www.a-alaubaidi.8m.com

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Here is an iraqi joke I found in a book of international stories, about 20 years ago. I don't know whether it is funny but even if it is not funny it might be worth some thought.

 

----

A weaver bought a monkey and took it home, he wanted it to weave for him. He sat down at the loom and showed the monkey how he wove cloth, but the monkey only laughed at him. Then the monkey jumped up into the rafters and kept laughing. When the man stopped for dinner the monkey sprang down and grabbed some food which he ate in the rafters.

 

The man thought about his problem and came up with an idea. He went out and brought in a sheep. He started showing the sheep how to weave at the loom. The monkey laughed. After all how can a sheep weave, a sheep has no hands. The man sat the sheep at the loom and ordered it to weave and it just baaahed at him. The man yelled "I showed you how to weave and you don't do it!" and he cut off the sheep's head. Then the monkey jumped down from the rafters and started weaving as fast as he could.

 

And this is where we get the aphorism, "Kill the sheep so the monkey will learn."

----

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Guest Guest

I got this fron Alsader city...

 

اخر نكته على مقتدى…

من المظاهر الواضحه في السوق العراقيه هو انتشار بيع صور مقتدى في السوق في احداها يرفع اصبعا امام وجهه والاخرى يرفع اصبعين امام وجهه

 

ذهبت امراه شروكيه من الثوره الى السوق لتشتري صوره لمقتدى فسالت البائع:

 

المراه : يمه اريدن صوره لسيد مقتدى

 

البائع: أي يمه تريديهه ام الاصبع لو ام الاصبعين

 

المراه : لايمه لا.. كتلك اريدن صوره مو نعال

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Guest فد واحد

زين بله شوفو هاي النكته

 

الرئيس القائد الفلته.. مرة جمع القيادة.. گللهم: راح نسوي إنتخابات ، بس اللي يرشح نفسه لازم إسمه يبدأ بحرف صاد وينتهي بحرف ميم... گام عزت گال: آني سيدي.. گلله:شلون ولك إنته؟ گلله: سيدي مو إنته مرة من ردت احچي بالإجتماع گتلي: إنچب صرم.

 

محشش فتح الثلاجه شاف الجلي يرجف گلله: لا تخاف ما آكلك.. جيت اشرب مي بس.

 

أحول تزوج على مرته... طلعت هيه نفسهه.

 

باااي

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Guest فد واحد

هلاو

اشو هاي بس اني احجي

يله المهم

هاي بعد نكات

واحد گال لخطيبته: إشچانوا يدلعوچ وانتي زغيرة؟ گالتله: ميمي ... وانته؟ گاللهه: ابو خنـّينه.

 

إيراني تزوج يابانيه..... صار عدهم ولد سموه: آية الله سوزوكي.

 

توأم شاف أخوه، گلله: وينك يمعود ..؟ مو أهلي طهروني مرتين.

 

باااااااااي

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Guest ديج هرتي

يمعودين بدل ما تكتبون النكات هنا تعالوا وشوفوا موقعي... كلما أسكر أحط جم نكته

www.geocities.com/iraqinukat

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Guest Bahir

اثنين يتمشون في مدينه الصدر وشافوا واحد لابس عمامة حمره .. فالاول سأل هذا شو لا هو سيد ولا هو شيخ ... والثاني جاوب لك لا هذا انضباط بجيش المهدي

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Guest Guest
دليمي راكب بهليكوبتر... گال للكابتن: بروح أبوك ماتطفينه المروحه الفوگ.. تراهه بردت شويه

From same site above

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Guest Guest
دليمي هوه ومرته إجه يمهم صاروخ، صاح بمرته: إنبطحي ولچ!!  گالتله: هوه هسه وكتهه؟

From same site

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Guest Guest_Mutergem
حرامي كمشته وحده سمينه حيل، نامت عليه وگلت لزوجهه: بسرعه .. خابر الشرطه .. گاللها زوجها: هوه شگد الرقم؟؟ گلله الحرامي: 111 بسرعه يمعود

 

That is fantastic..Let me translate

 

A robber was caught by huge fat lady, She sit on him and called her hasbend to call police quickly.. The haspened was confused , and asked what the number, the robber sufficating "911 pleaaaase in a hury"!

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Guest Guest
  واحد ناصرية يرجم الشيطان وهو متلثم سألوه الناس ليش؟؟ گاللهم: يمكن أحتاجه فد يوم

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